I Look to Jesus

 How do I begin to describe three monumental days in just one blog post? I have no idea, so I'll just start writing... 

Thursday we took off for the Powerhouse retreat. We drove about an hour or so and then went swimming with the family we were staying with. They were all (12 of them!) so kind, generous and hospitable. When we got ready for the first session, we got decked out in yellow. (Congrats tribe fire, we did it, we won!) My introverted self was wondering, "oh my goodness, what am I doing?!" But when we got there, I walked into a room full of a thousand 18-25 year olds dancing. Crazy! Who knew Christians could have so much fun?!!

During free time one afternoon we went to the beach. It was glorious! Not too hot, not too cold, it was just right! As my friends and I walked up the coast we admired the washed up bluebottle jellyfish (there were many in the water, and a few people got stung) climbed on the rocks, took pictures, and then guess what happened... it started raining. It was wonderful! It's the first real rain I've felt since being in Australia. 

Each session was full of amazing worship, wonderful teaching, and great time with the Lord.

I feel like He has revealed such cool things that I'm still pondering and praying about. 

I sat in a room full of potential, full of people making wonderful choices that will determine their future. We have our whole lives ahead of us. We’re growing up… and it’s fun.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the speakers:

*He's not just interested in what you can do; He cares about who you are becoming.

*It's not the stuff we find ourselves in that determines the outcome... it's how we respond. 

*Vision creates discipline. When you see something you want to do, you'll do whatever you can to do it.

*God operates in the impossible... that way He gets all the glory!

*It's not the game that changes, it's the game plan. 

*God doesn't wait to use you 'someday.' He wants to use you NOW. 

*The process is part of the plan

*God is able to do a whole lot more at the right time than we are able to do at the wrong time.

*The benefits of change far outweigh the bad of staying the same.

*When was the last time you had no other agenda than to just be with Jesus?

*You don't just need improvement, you need transformation!

*Is the cry of my heart louder than the fear and insecurity?

*At the end of your life do you want to be the person that was seen to have ‘so much potential' but never use it? Or do you want to know that you used it all up!

*Allow yourself to dream big dreams. Allow God to change those dreams... In fact, allow Him to change everything. He will!

I just got off the phone with my mom. Tomorrow will be the three-week mark and it’s hitting us. My heart breaks to know that I’m missing out on precious things such as my sister preaching in front of 300, my brothers tournaments, and my youth group at Generation Unleashed.

The other day God reminded me that He wants to fill every part of my life. Where I would look to my dad for protection and provision, I look to Jesus. Where I would look to my mom for comfort and encouragement, I look to Jesus. Where I would call my friend before anyone else, I look to Jesus. When I need a hug or a hand to hold, I look to Jesus. When I would normally confide in a friend, I look to Jesus.

When my eyes are on Jesus, I’m not focused on the things around me. I’m not wavered by circumstances. I’m learning to believe and declare over my life who God says I am. I am known. (Ps. 139:3) I am provided for. (Matthew 6:31-33) I have a wonderful future. (Jeremiah 29:11) I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Ps. 139:14) I am free. I am safe. I am loved. I am strong. I am called. And I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me! (Philippians 4:13)

Miracle's Happen

Yesterday morning I woke up around 5am and could not fall back asleep. I tossed and turned trying to decide whether or not I was going to go to the Powerhouse Retreat this weekend.
I was worried about the money, but in my heart I heard, "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phiippians 4:19
I was worried about being tired when I got back.  Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
God is the best at comebacks :) 


Can you see what I was saying? "I was worried." Worry, worry, worry. Where's the faith in that? There's not! So I finally said, "ok God, I'll go. I just need you to help me figure everything out." 
When I got to orientation I told my friends that I was going, and they said that God had told them to go to! So we registered and were told to find accommodation and transportation to the venue on Thursday. At the a party, we talked to these girls who are going to let us stay in their house! They are halfway between the venue and the beach, and they have a pool. Oh, ANNND, they are going to pick us up. Can you believe that?! God is so cool. 
But it doesn't end there... Joslyn, Blake, and I decided we were going to make a really yummy dessert for an Australia Day party, so we were walking through the grocery store and after we had found all of our stuff, we were waiting in line. An older gentleman in front of us told us to put our stuff on the register. We thought he was going to just let us set our stuff down, but no! He paid for alll of our stuff. (It was probably around $70) He goes to Hillsong and knew we were new students. It may not seem like a big deal, but it was incredible!!! Thank you Jesus. And thank you Tony. We hope we see you at church sometime. 


So the moral of the story... TRUST Jesus. He works ALL things together for good for those who love him and are called according to His purposes. ROMANS 8:28

Write Your Plans In Pencil

Yesterday as I peered from the ferry towards the city scape, there was a sense of longing for those who I wish I could be sharing the moment with. I was surrounded by sound, but found comfort in my thoughts. The sun was warm on my skin, the breeze swept through my hair. In a city so vast, I felt so small. 

Even today in church I looked around at the thousands, and stood in amazement of how big God is. If I was standing there with the ability to think and feel, everyone could do the same. That blows my mind.

There is so much beauty, there is so much wonder in the world around us. Think about the stars... perfectly aligned, shining bright and beautiful. The human body itself is indescribable. The unique ways God has created each of us. What about the intricate design of a butterfly, the innocence of a child? It's so beautiful. 

I am loved by a beautiful God. He is the only one who could have imagined such wonderful things. 

We think our capacity to love is impeccable, but it cannot even compare to the love that the Father has for us, and for everything He's created. Isn't that crazy? I'm left speechless. 

Every Sunday I go to church, but something was different today... I feel a new passion to seek the heart of God. I thought I "knew" what God wanted me to do in life, what I wanted to do in life, but suddenly, it's like the plans I've written down are being written over by the Creator of the world. And I don't know what that means. I still have dreams, big dreams... but they are different than before. 

I live in  a broken world, so hurt and hungry for truth. As I heart stories of abuse, divorce, racism, etc. I'm broken hearted. When I think about my life, I stand amazed by how much God has protected me. And instead of being upset about that, a resolve has risen up in me to make a change.

I've never really seen myself as an "intense" person, but I think I was just lying to myself, trying to keep this fire locked up. I'm ready for it to be released! 

I just can't believe I haven't seen it for so long. I can't believe I had to be removed from everything I once knew before I could really have this breakthrough. It's incredible. Thank you Jesus. 

It's Been A Week.

Yesterday was the one week mark. Crazy, huh? 

It's gone by so fast and so slow at the same time. Each day gets a little less difficult.

So here's the random thought for today...

I don't think you fall in love... you grow in love. And that's a beautiful thing. 

I'm growing to love a place called New South Wales. I'm growing to love a church named Hillsong. I'm growing to love my friends from all over the world. That doesn't mean I've forgotten home, it's just a different season of my life. Jesus is helping me love this place. And it truly is because of Him that I'm not huddled in my room crying. He's blessed me with incredible friends already. It's almost like we've become family, cuz in a way we have to. And that's wonderful. 

Last night after youth group we invited some people over. We thought it would be like 10 people, but it ended up being like 30-40! It was a blast. Everyone brought snacks and we talked and played games. I felt like a little hostess. :)

When you talk to people here, everyone has a cool story of how Jesus got them here. And everyone is walking in faith. It's so fun. 

It's weird because I'll be doing completely fine and then something switches inside of me and I miss home. I think it's because when I talk to people, I have to say goodbye again and again. It's like the bandaid effect. You either choose to rip it off quickly or you pull and pull and it's more painful. I think I'm a mix between the two. 

Well, I'm going to deep clean my room... 

Cherrio from down undah.

First Sunday in Sydney

I walked into church this morning and was in awe of the enormity of it all. I sat with my friends on the center floor, 5^th row from the back. Worship started and the lights and music resonated in far more than the spacious room. Being in the auditorium gave me a glimpse into these next few months. Once school starts I will be sleeping, eating and breathing ministry. And does that make my heart go pitter-patter? YES. In everyway! I’m in the place I’m called to be. And I’ll be doing what God has asked me to do… That’s very refreshing. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss home, it just means that I can finally allow myself to mentally, emotionally and physically BE in Australia.

Anyways… more about church…

They do things differently, which will take some getting used to, but it’s awesome to be in a crowd of thousands seeking God. After worship, someone was giving announcements and they said that Jesus Culture was in the house. So we looked over and Kim Walker was sitting there! Okay so I’d be lying if I said I weren’t a little “star-struck.” But seriously… How cool is that?!

Then a group from Africa called Watoto came to perform. It is an ensemble of former child soldiers that is now traveling the world sharing their experiences and giving light to a subject so often not shown in the news. They danced, shared mini monologues and when they sang it was as if heaven itself was on the stage. The sound of captives set free... There is no sweeter sound. The youngest was 9 and the oldest was 19. To hear their stories of being forced to kill their own family members, to their recollection of nightmares and violence opened my eyes to the reality that this kind of thing still happens in our world today. It breaks my heart.

In the introduction of the performance, the pastor said this…

“There are two words that should never go together... CHILD SOLDIER. But if they do, there should be the words NO MORE that follow it.”

We serve an awesome God. A God that showed these teens the power of His love. To hear them speak of forgiveness in the midst of all this pain was incredible. I can’t wait to post the videos. It was incredibly powerful.

After church some of the girls from a house far away came over and we sat in the kitchen and talked for hours. So far I’ve met people from Germany, Norway, England, South Africa, Switzerland, Canada, and many of the students are from the States. (My roommate Blake is from Georgia. A true Southern Belle!) Around 5:30 we left for church again. It was packed. We sat in the very back. And guess who was leading worship? Brooke Fraser. Oh my goodness. Soon I guess it won’t seem like a big deal, but it’s definitely shocking still. There was a preacher from Atlanta there named Creflo Dollar (don’t know about the spelling) and he spoke about trusting God. Exactly what I needed to hear.

Here are some of my notes… It was epic.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

*“Faith believes God can do it, and trust believes that even if He doesn’t you will not be moved.”

*Trust commands rest, and rest commands results.

*If you spend your time doing the do’s, you won’t have to worry about doing the don’ts.

*I may not know how He’s going to do it, but I trust He’s gonna do it. I may not know when he’s going to do it, but I can trust He’s gonna do it…

* Trust is an expression of commitment.

So I’m choosing to trust Jesus. 

The walk home was wonderful. It was around 8 o‘clock and the sun was just starting to set. The breeze made it’s way through the trees, and the immense spider webs kept us entertained the whole way back.

When we got home we sat down on our floor and discussed the message, talked about our fears and cried out for God to sustain us. I’m so blessed with such an incredible roommate. Already we’ve had such great conversations, prayer times, verse sharing, etc. I’m so thankful to have a friend... Someone who is walking through the exact emotions, unknowns, and changes I am.  And if you’re wondering… Our room is all cute too! And it stays relatively clean…  We’ve posted verses all over the walls, and have pictures on the shelves and stuff. It’s fun.

So here’s to you America… Be blessed. Trust Jesus. And know that a girl named Lindsey Noelle loves and misses you so much. 

Moving In

I was able to move in to my house last night, and my roommate Blake is from Georgia. She is so sweet. We've been crying a lot, talking a lot, and already I feel like my house is going to be wonderful. I do miss the girls I was living with before. They were so hospitable. "This is my temporary home..." haha

The verse that's sticking out to me today is Isaiah 41:9-10


"I took you from the ends of the earth, from it's farthest corners I called you. I said, 'you are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."


I continue to find verses to hang up on my walls. Verses about courage, faith, trust, perseverance, protection, provision, loneliness, etc. The Word is coming alive, because it truly is my lifeline!

All I can do is be drawn to my knees. All I can do is cry out and trust that God's holding me.
Some moments are easier than others...

To everyone back home, I miss you. I pray and think of you often. I see pictures and smile because of the many fond memories I have with you. I cry because I feel like I'm missing out on your lives. But never worry that I've forgotten you. It would not be possible.
And just think... the homecoming will be glorious!

Perseverance: steadfast in doing something despite difficulty

Yesterday was a great day.  I set up my bank, got a cell phone, and went grocery shopping. We probably walked at least 5 miles. It's so hot and humid that I don't do my makeup or hair because by the end of the day you're so sweaty. Josyln and I went to my house and set up a few of my things yesterday. I'm looking forward to meeting my housemates, and getting all my stuff set up. I think that will help the transition immensely. I live about 10 minutes from the school/church/shopping center (which is where I'm hoping to get a job.)  Once school starts I'm sure I'll be busy. Which will give me less time to think of how difficult this is. It's all so new.
I got a little sunburned yesterday, but bought sunscreen last night. 17 dollars for a thing of sunscreen... isn't that crazy?
Yesterday was also wonderful because I got to talk to some family and friends for a little bit. It's so wonderful to hear their voices.
I'm taking one step at a time. Relying on God's grace for TODAY. If I think too much of the future or of the past, my eyes won't be focused on what I need to do NOW.
I've been reading James 1 and Psalms 27 over and over and I find so much comfort that God's going to create in me a perseverance I've never known before. Already my dependency on Him is growing.

So today we're going shopping again, to get all of the random stuff we'll need for these 11 months. I've realized how much I took things for granted back home. The only things I have here are what I packed... which was not a lot! Thank you Jesus for the newfound appreciation for everything.

So to whoever is reading, thank you. This has been an incredible outlet for me to express my thoughts.

Day 2 here we go!

Day 2 in Sydney. I won't blog this much once I get into a routine, but it's helping me immensely deal with all of these changes.

It's a little scary when you are the only one that knows you. You are "alone" in this city, country, continent and hemisphere. I think that's why I like blogging, because I can feel known even from so far away.

I went to Powerhouse (the 18-25 yr old group) with some other girls last night and it was amazing. The guy talked about dreaming big in 2011. Letting God provide manna each day for you. So I'm going to focus on what I need each day and try not to think too much about alllll of the details or even all of the 11 months. (Sidenote... woah, 11 months is a long time.)
The pastor said something I will never forget.... "Chose when you're strong who you're going to be when you're weak." "Who will you be when homesickness kicks in? Who will you be when you can't pay your bills? Who will you be when it's a struggle to trust?"

So Jesus, please help me! I know I'm not alone because I am yours. Wash over me with a peace I cannot understand. I'm holding onto your word. I trust that I'm here for a reason. I need your Spirit. And please help me not to cry in front of people anymore. I love you. In you're name, Amen.

Sydney, and the smell of vomit...

Hey friends! I’m safe in Sydney. Before I share more details… I want to tell you a story.

So there was a girl, and she sat in seat 40A. She had a travel buddy and they were anxious for the takeoff. As she looked out the window, she hoped her family and friends wouldn’t forget her. The plane took off and the random movies they played were a nuisance. Turbulance began to set in, and sleep was not easy to come by. Occasionally she would drift into rest, but never long enough. She read the letters many had given her and tried to hide the tears that streamed down her cheeks. Soon she was feeling ill. She pressed the button for the flight attendant and asked for water and a barf bag. But the flight attendant didn’t return on time, and she puked all over her blanket and clothes. From her chest to her mid thigh was covered in vomit. It smelled. It was embarrassing. She made her way uncomfortably to the bathroom (having to squeeze through 2 people to get into the aisle) and tried to wash her clothes out. It was no use. She found a flight attendant and asked for a plastic bag to throw away her blankie. The sad thing was, this was no ordinary blankie. It was a gift from her best friends family. She went back into the lavatory and laughed and cried. “How?” “Why?” The smell was now permanent on her, and she had no clothes to change into. She went back and sat down, but the rest of the flight was horrible. Tossing and turning. I guess the only good part about that was seeing the beautiful sunrise. They arrived in Sydney around 6 am and after throwing up in the bathroom one more time in the airport, they made their way through customs and waited endlessly for luggage. Finally the shuttle came and picked them up, and they were off to the days adventures…

Umm if you’re asking… that girl was ME.

Let’s just say that is not the best way to start a “grand adventure.”

This is not what I was expecting. And I need Jesus A LOT. Please pray for me.

Random details…

They took me to my house and I’ll be living with 4 other girls. I’m the only new student in this 5. So the bummer is, they are all on break still and won’t be back for 2 weeks. But don’t worry mom, I’m staying with Joslyn in her house until they come back. They took us shopping today, and I bought random household stuff… sheets, a new blanket, towels, etc. I’m still feeling sick, and almost wish I could throw up in order to feel better. It’s muggy here. But it’s beautiful. And I’ve heard too much about the bugs for my liking. But I know that it’s just the transition period, and it will get easier.

I MISS YOU ALL AND LOVE YOU MORE THAN I CAN EXPRESS. 

Ok I'm going to stop writing before I start crying in the McDonald's. 

Oh The Places You'll Go...

This week has been wonderful... One I will never, ever forget. I've had amazing time with friends and family. And as time simmers down, it's the memories I'm making in these last days that I will remember when I'm sitting all alone in my room, 9,000 miles away. I feel so blessed to have people that love me, encourage me, and are praying for me.

It's a little overwhelming knowing that I have so much to figure out once I get there. I don't know where I'll be living, where I'll work, go to class or do my laundry. Yet something about the unknown makes it very exciting. I'm off on my own... To discover the world, to discover myself. To discover what Jesus has in store for my life.

One of my best friends gave me the Dr. Suess "Oh the Places You'll Go" book for Christmas, and I cannot stop reading it. It truly is inspiring! Here it is...
   

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets.  Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry.  Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored.  there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame!  You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!
 

  I've realized it's hard when you can only plan your life so far. Like I can figure out what I'm doing tomorrow, and even the next 11 months, but when it comes to the future, it's all in God's hands. That's a lot of me waiting. A lot of single decisions that will effect each move I make. Scary and promising at the same time. I think it's cool that God trusts us to make our own decisions. So God, what's next?! I'm ready for the adventure.